What beautiful weather on this Wednesday! Finally the much needed weekend is in sight! This has been a long, difficult week, and month I guess you could say. I have been feeling really run down lately, and I need a break! Well, that's easier said than done right?
Recently I have noticed I have been slowly loosing my motivation. It is getting harder to do my school work, and harder to wake up in the morning for work. I have had the same schedule since I graduated from high school in 2007. Wake up at 5:30, be to work by 6:30. School in the afternoon, and back to work by 3:30 for the rest of the evening. I kept asking myself, Why am I having so much trouble NOW, when I need the motivation the most? Well, I figured out there are multiple answers to this question. I am 5 months away from graduating with my bachelor's degree. So close, yet I just want to be done. I feel my classes are repetitive, they are getting harder, and I have run out of steam with this whole college thing. I also realized that I am just so anxious to start my life with Sean, that I am getting tired of the long long LONG journey it has taken to get there. Everyone keeps saying your so close, and yes we are, but I don't know if anyone truly understand how we feel.
Sean and I started dating when we were 14, so we have been together for 8 years. I am so thankful we were lucky enough to meet so young, but at the same time it has been very difficult. We are so anxious to get a home of our own, get married, adopt a dog, and to just have a "normal" schedule. We have such big dreams for ourselves, ones that we have been talking about for years and years. Most people would have had all these things by now....which is what is so difficult about it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life, and I feel so blessed to have an amazing fiancé, but at this point I just want to get to our spot in life...does this make sense?
I don't mean to be negative, but I am having one of those days. Sean and I had a long talk about this last night. He has been such incredible support to me, and to our dreams. He is definitely my rock that keeps me going. We talk about how we know God has a plan for us, and we just have to keep faith that we will get there with time. I need to keep reminding myself to be patient, keep praying, and just wait for a sign. I would love to hear any advice :)
"In these troubling times, I am filled with unspeakable fears. I reach my hand out to you now. I ask you to walk beside me. Please help me hold on strong, and help me hold my hopes high."